419 Comments
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Joseph Hirsch's avatar

I predict Kamala will start strong, talking about her rough childhood in Selma, Alabama, during which Donald Trump, Bull Connor, and Vladimir Putin sicced German shepherds on her to keep her from entering a schoolhouse where she simply wanted to learn.

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Mrs. McFarland's avatar

Which put her into a permanent state of hysteria and she can’t stop laughing….

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Ellen's avatar

Thanks for the chuckle - a very good one, indeed.

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BookWench's avatar

"I was born a poor black child. . . "

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baker charlie's avatar

Why are 70's and 80's movies so precient? It's great, but getting a little strange.

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Gort@ControlGroup.Science's avatar

Had my robotic cock shortened

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John Cougar Misanthrope's avatar

What about George Wallace and the fire hose? A young Donald Trump egging him on, "Squirt the Jamaican-Indian girl".

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Janine's avatar

Axe handles

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Clever Pseudonym's avatar

lolol too good

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Paul Harper's avatar

Harris told the truth when she observed "I know his type." Harris and her team found exactly the right content and tone to screw Trump's head into the ceiling - nagging girlfriend, disappointed spouse (sorry, ladies). Nag-nag-nag, - "my mother was right about you." Trump has without doubt been on the receiving end of similar finely-tuned screeds delivered by some of the many women in his life. Kids learn the pitch and tone early - I call it "wind up daddy, or mommy." Tonight was a couple of hours of pitch-perfect whining, administered by a true mistress/master - each complaint delivered with her trademark nasalized twang, her hole card, and most stung.

Anyone here think Harris is the first woman to ever call Trump disgusting to his face? Enumerate his many defects? Harris did her research. Courtroom experience counted. The lawyer caught Trump cold. Her pitch and demeanor were tuned to perfection as she jumped and down on his balls, repeatedly, as his face got grimmer and grimmer. Twas a master class. We've all been handed well-merited rebukes. But nobody much likes to be on the receiving end of a 3-1 beating in front of a large audience, especially when the beating is being administered by a smirking nitwit and her enablers.

If Trump could have walked off the stage, and slammed a door with a "call my lawyers" he would have. Instead, he was rooted to the podium, flailing, while the mods kept handing Harris fresh bats with which wallop the "sexist" pig. Think that sight didn't endear Harris to her constituents? Bad news for Harris, however, is that when folks go to the grocery store tomorrow, next week, next month - prices will still be record high. We all know it. And we all know what happened tonight - most of us have lived through, or witnessed, similar experiences - complaints without substance, evasions, and excuses. Think Kamala made herself more appealing with that performance? Americans want answers not a pout with sound effects. All she accomplished was remind people why so many dislike/distrust her.

Folks will remember the beating - folks will also remember Trump's killer close: "Why hasn't she fixed anything in 3 and a half years. Harris provided no answers. Folks can't cash a beating, or 'joy' at the grocery store, or the gas station. The thumping won't pay anyone's rent. The election is months away and Harris still hasn't addressed the same basic questions that surround her. She didn't last night. - Who is she? Why won't she explain anything? Until Harris does, Trump and Vance have got her by the shorts.

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Paul Harper's avatar

Clocked out after 30 minutes. Trump might have handed Kamala the WH - spectacular lack of discipline and messaging. Maybe he doesn't want to win.

Went back - revised review - Total Trump Victory - authentic, engaged, combative, committed. Harris and the mods totally vapid and child like - actors to Trump's cave man.

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feldspar's avatar

Not too racist. Try harder.

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Funk Lord's avatar

I think you are going to kill most of your readers with those rules.

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Caroline Kwas's avatar

I'm drunk just reading the rules

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DarkSkyBest's avatar

Excellent.

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Parker W's avatar

I wonder if someone behind the scenes is going to be looking for hits and adding a flashing “Drink! Drink!” notice on the screen…

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Gort@ControlGroup.Science's avatar

Or holding up a card indicating when to SHOOT!

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Jake's avatar

It’s completely irreverent and irresponsible. I love it. Also, I can’t bring myself to watch. I’ll probably take a hero dose of THC gummies and watch highlights tomorrow. Tomato potato.

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Danno's avatar

It's okay, Matt's readers don't obey rules. That's why we're here.

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Frank Lee's avatar

I am starting this debate being unburdened by my past and clutching joy.

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Ray Nelson's avatar

Did Joy consent to being clutched?

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Frank Lee's avatar

I first jumped for joy. She rejected me, so I tried to feel mary but she rejected me too.

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Timothy G McKenna's avatar

Thanks so much, folks - I’m here through the week! Try the veal and don’t forget to tip the help!

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Ellen's avatar

Did Jenny not kiss you?

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Frank Lee's avatar

No, but I got her number.

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Ellen's avatar

I assume it was 867-5309? Though I was at first thinking of Leigh Hunt's poem.

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BookWench's avatar

I heard that Bill Murray once stood up on a flight & sang that entire song -- with feeling.

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Frank Lee's avatar

I had to educate myself on the Leigh Hunt poem... that reference was over the head of my peasant upbringing!

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Ray Nelson's avatar

Well played, sir!

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Ellen's avatar

Verbally, but since it wasn't in writing and no-one was there to witness, Joy will deny her consent and claim politico-sexual assault.

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ambrosia's avatar

Character witnesses will testify that you clutched them on an airplane in 1979.

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Ellen's avatar

Since I took no airplane anywhere in 1979 (too busy working and partying, as I was 20-21), they would have a hard time proving that.

And since I wasn't the original poster, what's it to do with me at all?

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Mike Lints's avatar

You misunderstand the rules - they don't have to prove it; you have to disprove it.

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Ellen's avatar

I would hard-question them (what flight, which airline, from which to which airports, where is your receipt, did you report it at the time, what evidence can you bring to show we were ever on a flight together, etc. ad infinitum and perhaps ad nauseam) until they gave it up as a bad job. I'd have made a quite decent attorney, but as with medicine, I could not have handled the responsibility.

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Cooper Raymond's avatar

🙈

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2 Cool 2 Fool's avatar

Yuck!

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bestuvall's avatar

just dont clutch your “joy” stick”. you will miss all the good parts

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BookWench's avatar

That's the spirit!

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DMC's avatar

you may get joy but I assure you that you will be burdened by a nasty hangover

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SimulationCommander's avatar

RIP Matt. You had a great run and went out on your terms.

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Franklin O'Kanu's avatar

LOL—But Matt's spot on! debates now feel more like a reality TV showdown, where it’s all about who can serve up the best catchphrase or viral moment. So hey, might as well enjoy the spectacle with a drink in hand, right?

It’s like watching two comedians battle it out, except their punchlines could literally change the world. And while they’re busy trading zingers, the real question is: are we actually making any progress as a country?

https://unorthodoxy.substack.com/p/has-the-america-condition-improved

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Susan's avatar

The REAL question is, Who is now and has been running our country since January 2021?

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BookWench's avatar

It's a committee.

(Don't ask too many questions or the Deep State will start poking around in your online comments.)

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Susan's avatar

I call them ‘The Shadowy Cabal’

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Cosmo T Kat's avatar

City of London and Tel Aviv with guest appearances by Tony Blinken and his ship of fools.

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SimulationCommander's avatar

I understand the sentiment, but since I'll be doing my sarcastic write-along, I'll be refraining from the Passout game tonight. :)

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baker charlie's avatar

One of the local wokies on our neighborhood chat is insisting everyone watch the debates for Kamala's answers on the economy because she will answer coherently this time, you betcha.

I think I would rather be drunk.

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j juniper's avatar

Who remembers the PPV George Carlin bit?

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Benj's avatar

😂😂😂

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Mrs. McFarland's avatar

SimComm… if I’m not in attendance tonight it’s because I had a stroke listening to Andrew Cuomo testify in Congress…

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ambrosia's avatar

Do you have a link? Hate that creep so much.

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RussAmGirl's avatar

Check C-Span's schedule. It will likely show a full rerun, likely more than once, or you can probably pull up the video.

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SimulationCommander's avatar

That's today? Nice!

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Mrs. McFarland's avatar

Can you say arrogant asshole?? Who looks like bulldog who needs his doolaps cleaned…

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Peggy's avatar

🤣

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electromagicforce's avatar

What about Walter and Matt triggers? Drink every time Matt says, "Right. Right." And every time Walter says, "In other words..."

Can't wait for tonight's fun!

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Art's avatar

You’re proposing a metacommentary drinking game. For those ready to level up in the game of trying to figure out what is real.

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Eric Paisley's avatar

I picked a hell of a day to stop drinking.

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Tina C's avatar

Sounds like the great movie Airplane! I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue....

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Ellen's avatar

While I prefer the original "Zero Hour," which is in some ways actually the funnier, "Airplane!" has some great lines, and a lot of them are Lloyd Bridges' character's in the same vein.

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DarkSkyBest's avatar

I saw "Zero Hour" after "Airplane." 'Just cannot watch ZH at all without thinking of the other.

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Ellen's avatar

That's part of the humor. I saw "Zero Hour" after several viewings of "Airplane," I can't even think of one apart from the other anymore.

But, seriously, the humor comes from just how funny the original manages to be while taking itself (almost?) totally seriously (one does wonder at how deftly the 'unintended' humor is handled).

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rtj's avatar

No way could a comedy get away with Peter Graves' "ever seen a grown man naked" in that context these days.

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Ellen's avatar

You've got that right, alas. Though we still have some brave comedians (mostly black, partially, perhaps, because they have that "cred" and white comedians do not) willing to say that Robert Downey Jr. in "Tropic Thunder" is so damn' funny nothing else should count.

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Tardigrade's avatar

Postpone.

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bestuvall's avatar

procrastinate

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Peggy's avatar

I did 30+ years ago. But I’ll still get that “I’m gonna throw up” feeling 😁

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ambrosia's avatar

Coincidentally, me too!

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a peacock's avatar

You picked the perfect day to stop drinking!

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Susan Russell's avatar

You missed "Hear me when I say." Harris. If you include her nods, you'd get alcohol poisoning

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Mrs. McFarland's avatar

Amazing how she can act like a 14 year old mean girl without having a daughter…

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Ellen's avatar

Perhaps she's never herself outgrown the early-adolescence stage the modern world is trying to stunt adults into remaining stuck at and rushing pre-pubescents into as soon as they can manage it.

The cackling would fit, though it really ought to be giggling to fit properly.

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Stephanie Beckett's avatar

She totally has arrested development. Her pettiness and vindictiveness demonstrate that.

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Ellen's avatar

Every school's most hated Mean Girl. Oh, my, that's it.

If Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi vie for the title of Best Dolores Umbrage, Kammy Harris is the uber-Heather.

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Stephanie Beckett's avatar

Absolutely!

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j juniper's avatar

Maybe emotionally, she still is?

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Janine's avatar

She's Kween Kamala

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Frank Lee's avatar

I'm already drunk having medicated myself just thinking about this debate.

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Meredith G's avatar

As a California sober person, I predict I will be hallucinating by 945 EDT

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baker charlie's avatar

Maybe the debate should come with a black box warning?

May induce seizures, Tourettes and hallucinations in some individuals...

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Janine's avatar

You mean the Burning Man version

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Tardigrade's avatar

I 'm heartily sick of presidential debates being treated like sporting events, in terms of "winners" and "losers". At least you guys are going to make it entertaining. I have a box of red wine at the ready.

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DarkSkyBest's avatar

This being a serious and prestigious event in the history of our constitutional republic, I am going with a favorite of my favorite Founding Father, Samuel Adams Octoberfest.

We already know the ending. Just how blatant will the "journalism" be.

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Matt Harder's avatar

This is why you and Walter are national treasures

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Gym+Fritz's avatar

This needs to be the last presidential debate run for democrats, by democrats. Most of the questions directed to Trump were biased, accusatory, attack questions, while the questions lofted to Harris were almost all helpful, friendly softballs. This was not a fair debate, and if the republicans don’t have the balls and smarts to insist on the kind of debate our country needs and deserves, we should stop the charade. These debates are too important to let corporate MSM control them.

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Tardigrade's avatar

Whatever happened to the League of Women Voters? Didn't they used to put on the debates?

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Teachinprek's avatar

You forgot: drink when the moderators fact check Trump but let Kamala get away with any lies she wants to say.

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Jake's avatar

Pretty sure that’s just the rules now. 😂

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Emma M.'s avatar

If this had been included in the rules, Taibbi and Kirn would now be mass murderers.

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Teachinprek's avatar

🤣

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hakuin's avatar

Somehow I got wind of the rules before hand and I've already pre-checked myself into a hospital for the liver transplant tomorrow morning.

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ResistWeMuch's avatar

I can't wait for the shithole media to try to gaslight me into thinking I saw and heard something other than what I saw and heard.

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feldspar's avatar

You should be well prepared after being exposed to 90 minutes of Trump's gaslighting.

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Barbara Delisi's avatar

What issues are real. Not to drink too issues ??? Just asking. Cuz for Trump. He needs to bring up boarder. I live where this is impacting us. Yes millions and millions. I live where unless body in the street. Police don't take crime reports. We are literally on our own. I live where Harris Biden Admin takes protesting parents to jail if they don't want the state to teach their kids about trans. To ne those are issues. Harris is responsible for. And should be brought up. Yrs in a polite manner. I don't like how trump talks. But we did not have these problems when he was president.

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Ellen's avatar

And precisely whom is your boarder who causes the impact?

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Parker W's avatar

Some people are visually or otherwise impaired, and use voice to text. Let’s grant her some slack here?

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Barbara Delisi's avatar

Thank you. Mukgi tasking. At vet my dog not doing well. Trying to take a break in my mind by looking at Matt's work. My mistake.

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BookWench's avatar

I hope you dog does well, Barbara.

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feldspar's avatar

Apologies for previous comment, then. Taibbi's writing will sometimes do that to you. Try taking a break in your mind by not looking at Matt's work. 5 or 10 minutes generally works for me.

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Ellen's avatar

Oh, sure, just poking a little fun on behalf of the language. I make my living writing.

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Sevender's avatar

Not well.

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feldspar's avatar

Give her a break. Taibbi makes his living writing. Also not well.

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Ellen's avatar

I’m always willing to learn - how would you word it?

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Sevender's avatar

Omit needless words. In this case, the entire comment.

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Barbara Delisi's avatar

Typo. Small phone clumsy typing you know that. So guess you are just rude. Went real slow so I didn't offend you.

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Ellen's avatar

I write for a living, and for pleasure, my parents were both published poets and my father was an editor as well. It's not rude to care, nor to poke a little fun. I didn't keep harping.

Sorry about your dog. I lost my 18-year-old Lab-Dalmatian cross in 2020. Had her since she was 8 weeks old. Hope all will be well for the present with yours.

Tomorrow I have to find out how much of my right lung is to be removed, and how soon.

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Outis's avatar

Ellen - best wishes for tomorrow.

Agreed, a little levity is good.

You might enjoy my reply to Barbara below.

All the best.

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Ellen's avatar

Thank you very much. I can use all the good wishes I can get, and I am grateful.

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feldspar's avatar

Harris Biden Admin ought to take protesting parents back to school if they don't want to use the English language coherently.

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