32 Comments
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NP Staff's avatar

I’m gonna say Spanish moss to the power of John Hurt (times Floyd). Cause the beard is clearly the one in charge.

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Mostly disagreeable's avatar

Factor in Ted Kaczynski.

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VanishingTribe's avatar

JD is one of those privileged progressive youths Kaczynksi warned us about.

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The Dandy Highwayman's avatar

Sure, just as Goebbels warned of existential "threats". I'd say Dorsey would have licked the glove and labored for that group as well -so long as he could sit on his pile of gold afterward.

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CJennings's avatar

I would not put the Spanish Moss in the denominator: it needs to be added, within the equation. It's definitely an "add" when you're working with Floyd and John Hurt. Oy, that beard!

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Matt Taibbi's avatar

Yeah, I wasn't sure about that. I thought about something like Floyd + John Hurt (Moss/$11 billion) = Dorsey, but I thought the moss joke would lose something as the numerator.

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Princess Tatiana's avatar

I wish somebody would explain the Miss joke for me. I’m very old and foreign.

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CJennings's avatar

Dorsey's beard is the same shape and texture of the Spanish Moss.

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Stephen Weber's avatar

Is he Tech Taliban?

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Bob Koyak's avatar

I don't know Jack but you have to begrudgingly admire a guy who not only pimp-slaps Congress but also keeps them begging for more.

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Cowgirlcontrarian's avatar

I loved John Hurt. Can we sub Nick Nolte instead or is that too spot on? Like Rasputin.

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Pat's avatar

You know, when some people convert to Islam and are radicalized...don’t they grow out their beards? Just saying.

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Leculdesac's avatar

His beard's getting so long that he could paint an x and y axis on it and plot a function curve--maybe length of beard relative to size of ego.

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The Dandy Highwayman's avatar

Wait... there is no Goebbels?

UniBomber?

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Mironsky's avatar

🙃First off, the parenthesis is redundant! So, I’d propose (Floyd x Hurt) + 1/moss. Moss remains in the denominator to signify the location of beard on face, but gets added to the product of Floyd and Hurt, where Hurt makes Floyd grayish! 🤓

Matt, we need more equations to make sense of this new media wasteland!

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Medium Bad's avatar

There's Jeffery Dahmer DNA lurking in this equation somewhere

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Harold Delaney's avatar

Add a "+ amish minister" term inside the parentheses.

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Harold Delaney's avatar

Luke Skywalker must also be a factor somewhere in there…

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Jacqueline's avatar

What's True Romance?

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Stxbuck's avatar

A movie where Gary Oldman’s psycho pimp character looked just like Racheal Doleazal!

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The Dandy Highwayman's avatar

Never mind LOOKS like... I want to see Rachel Dolezal play the part of pimp herself -complete with gut bucket, 70s blaxploitation tag lines.

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Koshmarov's avatar

Every time I remember the '90s I am reminded of L. P. Hartley's infamous dictum: "The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there."

Many '90s movies could not get made today. The thing is, I thought the '90s sucked at the time, but I was young and stupid and didn't anticipate just how much worse things were about to get. Damn near a whole decade without the 2-Minutes' Hate and Foreign Adversary Who Is Responsible for All Our Domestic Problems.

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Stxbuck's avatar

Filmmakers were allowed to be batshit crazy and psychotic back then. Today no major studio would finance Requiem For A Dream or Natural Born Killers or Fight Club. Movies today either have to be superhero explosion fests that can have mass appeal to non-English speaking Asian audiences or some kind of woke-bait.

I was shocked when I saw “Joker” last year-it was like going in a way back machine to 90s filmmaking.

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Koshmarov's avatar

Right down to the '90s pastiches of the Easy Riders/Raging Bulls '70s New Hollywood. I will give Todd Phillips credit for wearing his influences openly on his sleeve. In a way, there's a refreshment at the lack of pretense to "originality" when you're reinterpreting a comic-book villain from the 1930s.

Saw Fight Club at a preview screening back in '99. When the skyscrapers came down at the end most of the audience stood up, clapped and cheered. No mas, obviously.

I guess we get this stuff every 20 years or so, but I like it better than the rest of the stuff so I'll take what I can get.

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Erik Sherman's avatar

Next step, an AI program to generate the press release quotes attributed to tech CEOs. Then another AI program to do a linguistic analysis to see what they mean. And then a Stephen Wright humidifier/dehumidifier standoff, with the programs running against each other.

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Trollificus's avatar

If you did an equation with all those terms, I think I have the answer: =0.

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number6's avatar

Hahahahahaha!!!!

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James Levesque's avatar

Jack Dorsey = Brad Pitt x ZZ Top squared

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el linc's avatar

If you haven't see the Philip Michael's tweet about Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg that is a good laugh

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Science Does Not Care's avatar

My version:

[(mega tech fortune) + (college days personal hygiene)] * recreational drugs = Jack Dorsey in public

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Rags's avatar

First I'll have to hear Jack Dorsey ask for cleaning products...

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Bob's avatar

Unnamed Close Encounters alien species X ( Jimmy Neutron / Zorg (5th Element) = Mark Zukerberg

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