Racket List: Congressmen With Pants Down
From allegations to excuses to tearful pressers, cataloguing congressional wang-waving
That was fast. California Democrat Eric Swalwell, the swaggering “Take on Trump” gubernatorial hopeful, has imploded in spectacular fashion, dropping his campaign and resigning from the House of Representatives seemingly within moments after sex abuse allegations hit the news last Friday.
Members (!) of Congress are famed for all sorts of behaviors, from legalized insider trading to innovating a customer-friendly “bribe menu” to the occasional homicide, but the males of the species have a propensity for caught-with-pants-down scandals. A brief list of congressional scandals in which the p-word appeared in papers:
1. REP. ERIC SWALWELL (D-CA) — BREAKING, APRIL 2026
MEMBER: Eric Swalwell, D-Calif. — 7-term congressman, former presidential candidate (first Dem to drop out in the 2020 presidential race), was frontrunner in California governor race moments ago.
ACCUSATION: Alleged to have sent unsolicited photos and videos of unit to at least two women via Snapchat; allegedly sexually assaulted a former staffer on two occasions when she was too intoxicated to consent; kissed another woman without consent in public. Another accuser came forward Tuesday afternoon, describing Swalwell’s alleged drugging and sexually assaulting her in 2018. CNN added hardcore language to its account: “The congressman raped her when she was heavily intoxicated and left her bruised and bleeding.”
DENIAL YES/NO?: Yes. “These allegations of sexual assault are flat false. They are absolutely false. They did not happen. They have never happened. And I will fight them with everything that I have.” Lawyers sent cease-and-desist letters to at least two accusers, calling the accounts false and ordering them to retract their statements.
“I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY” YES/NO? No, but fellow member Tony Gonzales, who also just resigned after an affair with a former staffer who died by suicide surfaced, did.
“MY AMAZING WIFE…” QUOTE? Not exactly: “My focus in the coming days is to be with my wife and children and defend our decades of service against these lies.”
P-WORD IN PRINT: NBC: “Two other women alleged that Swalwell sent them unsolicited photos or videos of his penis.” New York Post: “Swalwell sent her photos of his penis and she reciprocated with nude photos.” San Francisco Chronicle: “Swalwell pulled out his penis in the car and asked her to perform oral sex on him. She said she did so in a parking lot.” Many, many others.
DEVILS IN DETAILS: Allegedly ran past a woman’s apartment building multiple times after learning where she lived, a new one. Four women on record; CNN claimed corroboration through friends, family, and message screenshots, but ambiguity remains. “There was Eric the Snapchatting guy, and then there was Eric my boss,” a former staffer said. “It was like two different people completely.” Another described Swalwell allegedly drugging a glass of wine before sexually assaulting the victim. Unflattering video of what appears to be Swalwell canoodling in hotel room has earned millions of X views:
FALLOUT: Within 24 hours of report Swalwell lost all 21 Democratic Congressional endorsements for governor; within 48 hours, gubernatorial campaign dropped; within 72, Swalwell resigned from the House, conveniently ending the Ethics probe (committee has no jurisdiction over non-members). FBI Director Kash Patel invited him to “sit down with the FBI”; Manhattan DA opened a criminal investigation; troubles just beginning.
“MISTAKES WERE MADE” STATEMENT? In resignation Swalwell wrote: “I am deeply sorry to my family, staff, and constituents for mistakes in judgment I’ve made in my past.” Noted that “expelling anyone from Congress without due process, within days of an allegation being made, is wrong,” then complied with the wrong thing.
CAREER DAMAGE TOTAL/PARTIAL? Likely total. Governor’s race over, House seat gone, ethics probe opened, criminal investigation in NY, former close friend Sen. Ruben Gallego tweeted repudiation about “flirty” pal. Former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown said he wasn’t surprised because “there have been rumors after rumors after rumors” and “that’s what Adam Schiff said, that’s what Nancy Pelosi said.” Was generally thought of as a dick even before this.
2. ANTHONY WEINER (D-NY) — JUNE 2011
MEMBER: Representative Anthony Weiner was in office from 1999 to 2011, losing races for Mayor of New York twice in between; famously married to Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin; along with “Favre,” name will forever be synonymous with dong-shot scandals; lack of Zucker Brothers-style biopic to date is proof of Hollywood’s blue-leaning political conspiracy.
ACCUSATION: Cruised comments sections under the incredible nom d’organe Carlos Danger looking for women to whom he could send “racy pictures.”
HOW IT BROKE: On May 27, 2011, a picture of a “bulging crotch of a man in his underwear” appeared on the New York Democrat’s Twitter page long enough for Andrew Breitbart and others to hear about it.
EXCUSE: Someone hacked his account. “Look, this is a prank and not a terribly creative one,” Weiner said on May 30th of that year. One week later, broke down at a pressser and said, “To be clear the picture was of me and I sent it.”
SHIT GOT REAL WHEN: Breitbart appeared with radio jocks Opie and Anthony on June 9, showing them a full-on dong shot Weiner sent to a Seattle woman. “Snapshots of Breitbart’s phone displaying the erect penis later appeared on the website Gawker,” explained ABC.
P-WORD IN PRINT: Slate headline: “Hillary Clinton Got Constant Email Updates About Anthony Weiner’s (First) Penis Saga.”
TOOK “FULL RESPONSIBILITY”? Yes.
MY AMAZING WIFE… “My wife is a remarkable woman.”
“MISTAKES WERE MADE”? Weiner used the active voice, apologizing for “personal mistakes that I have made.”
DEVILS IN DETAILS: Actor Vince D’Onofrio was on the fateful Opie and Anthony broadcast with Breitbart; Weiner five years later was spotted on a horse in Tennessee at a rehab facility offering “equine therapy for sex addiction.” It apparently didn’t take, as he was arrested, convicted, and sentenced for 21 months in 2017 for sending obscene material to a girl he knew to be a minor (she was 15).
CAREER DAMAGE PARTIAL/TOTAL: Total. Lost political career, was incarcerated for that second round of offenses, and co-hosted podcast with Curtis Sliwa.
3. REP. JOE BARTON (R-TX) — NOVEMBER 2017
MEMBER: Barton was longest-serving Republican from Texas at 17 terms; former chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee; nicknamed “Smokey Joe” for fossil fuel advocacy; 100% rating from the Family Research Council and the Christian Coalition of America for opposition to abortion/LGBTQ rights.
ACCUSATION: Nude selfie — taken from artsy sub-testicular POV — posted to Twitter in 2017 by an anonymous account, alongside screenshotted text reading “I want you soo bad. Right now. Deep and hard.” Anonymous Twitter user also claimed to have videos of Barton masturbating, tagging President Trump and Ted Cruz for good measure.
TOOK “FULL RESPONSIBILITY”? No.
“MY AMAZING WIFE...” Incident reportedly happened “while separated from my second wife.”
“MISTAKES WERE MADE”? “I am sorry I did not use better judgment during those days.”
DEVILS IN DETAILS: A woman who’d been in a consensual affair with Barton came forward to the Washington Post. She met Barton via his Facebook page, and told the Post that when he first asked about sending a photo, she said, “Oh no, no. Please do not do that.” In 2015, Barton called and threatened to report her to the Capitol Police — a call she recorded. On tape, he said: “I had met you twice while married and had sex with you on two different occasions… I will be completely straight with you. I am ready if I have to, I don’t want to, but I should take all this crap to the Capitol Hill Police and have them launch an investigation.” Reportedly asked a second woman by text if she was wearing “wearing a tank top only… and no panties,” before demanding, “Answer me miss evasive.”
FALLOUT: Barton announced he wouldn’t seek reelection, making no mention of infidelity in his exit statement, noting he was “very proud of my public record and the many accomplishments of my office,” but “now it is time to step aside and let there be a new voice.” Barton’s ex-wife pointed out that the Congressman was a loud vocal critic of President Bill Clinton’s extramarital affairs.
CAREER DAMAGE TOTAL/PARTIAL? Total. Did not seek re-election in 2018. Fort Worth Star-Telegram ran an editorial titled: “Hey Joe Barton, skipping the next election is not enough. It’s time to go“. No notable public presence post-Congress; eclipsed in Google searches for “Barton penis scandal” by jailed footballer Joey Barton.
4. REP. JOHN CONYERS (D-MI) — NOVEMBER 2017
MEMBER: House royalty as 52-year veteran, founding member of the Congressional Black Caucus, longest-serving member of the House at time of scandal, Rosa Parks’ former boss (she worked for him for over 20 years), and ranking Democrat on the House Judiciary Committee.
ACCUSATION: BuzzFeed in 2017 obtained four signed affidavits from former staffers alleging Conyers “repeatedly made sexual advances to female staff that included requests for sex acts, contacting and transporting other women with whom they believed Conyers was having affairs, caressing their hands sexually, and rubbing their legs and backs in public.” Accusations remain contested by many.
P-WORD IN PRINT: CNN: “She said he then told her she needed to ‘touch it,’ referencing his penis, or find him a woman who would.”
DENIAL YES/NO? Yes. Conyers: “My office resolved the allegations — with an express denial of liability — in order to save all involved from the rigors of protracted litigation. That should not be lost in the narrative.”
DEVILS IN DETAILS: Conyers in 2014 settled a wrongful dismissal complaint by an employee who claimed she was fired because she wouldn’t “succumb to [his] sexual advances.” That $27,000 settlement, coupled with a confidentiality agreement, was drawn from his congressional office budget, not the designated compliance fund. Melanie Sloan, an ethics watchdog who worked for Conyers in the 1990s, told the Washington Post he called her into his office dressed only in underwear.
FALLOUT: Nancy Pelosi initially called Conyers “an icon”; after allegations started to gain traction, reversed course and called for his resignation alongside Speaker Paul Ryan. Conyers entered hospital for “stress-related concerns,” resigned via letter, then called in to a Detroit FM gospel radio station (Praise 102.7), where he told the host: “This too shall pass. My legacy will continue through my children.” It did not pass; he endorsed his son, John Conyers III, to take his seat; Conyers III filed to run in 2018; paperwork challenged by his cousin, State Senator Ian Conyers; Conyers III disqualified. Elder Conyers died shortly after leaving office in 2019.
CAREER DAMAGE PARTIAL/TOTAL: Partial. Still revered in many circles. Scandal was the sub-head of New York Times obit, but “longest-serving black Congressman” was the headline.
5. ADAM KUHN, Chief of Staff to REP. STEVE STIVERS (R-OH) — JUNE 2014
MEMBER: Adam Kuhn, Chief of Staff to Rep. Steve Stivers (R-Ohio). Kuhn worked for Stivers from 2011-2014.
ACCUSATION: Unclear why it was disqualifying. Kuhn while single had an affair with Jennifer Roubenes Allbaugh, a married former porn actress. When Kuhn ended the relationship in 2014, Allbaugh posted a photo of his junk on Twitter.
DENIAL YES/NO: Not exactly. Kuhn: “Over the weekend, I was the victim of an attack on Twitter from a woman I had a relationship with in my personal life. I realize and apologize that I had used poor judgment in my personal life regarding this relationship.”
P-WORD IN PRINT: Dayton Daily News: “A senior aide to U.S. Rep. Steve Stivers has resigned after Politico reported that a porn actress he dated had posted a photo of his penis on the congressman’s Twitter account.”
DEVILS IN DETAILS: Allbaugh’s tweet — “I hate you, AJK, you selfish pompous a—hole. Now we’re even” — alongside Kuhn’s dick-pic, were posted directly to Congressman Stivers’ account. Maybe Allbaugh tweeted them on Kuhn’s phone? Kuhn got a cease-and-desist order forcing removal of the tweet.
FALLOUT: Stivers spox: “The office is not commenting on [Kuhn’s] personal life.” Kuhn resignation accepted the same day.
CAREER DAMAGE: High for Kuhn, limited-to-none for Stivers, who went on to chair the NRCC. Kuhn eclipsed in zeitgeist by Adam Kuhn, contestant on “Are you the One” and “Battle of the Exes” (both of which describe Chief-of-Staff Kuhn quite well). Allbaugh performed under the name “Ruby.” Her 200 films include The Psychosexuals, whose director Gregory Dark was once described as “unquestionably one of porn’s most overrated directors.”
6. REP. MARK FOLEY (R-FL) — SEPTEMBER 2006
MEMBER: Rep. Mark Foley, R-Florida — a deputy whip in the House serving from 1995-2006, an elected official since 1990, and a member of the House Ways and Means Committee.
ACCUSATION: Foley allegedly sent numerous male Congressional pages explicit messages during his time in Congress. Multiple news outlets learned about the correspondence, but “didn’t feel they had enough information to go public.”
DENIAL YES/NO? Sort of. Foley press secretary said early in the scandal that the notes between the Congressman and the pages were harmless. “This is just a case of the congressman — you don’t know Mark — he’s just overly friendly — nothing wrong with these things at all.” Foley’s office also claimed it had “a practice of asking for photos of individuals who may ask for recommendations and that the page had requested a recommendation.”
TOOK “FULL RESPONSIBILITY”? “I deeply regret and accept full responsibility for the harm that I have caused.”
DEVILS IN DETAILS: One former page described the texts as not “flirtatious—though some started that way—but out and out lewd … full of explicit references to masturbation and penis size.” Do I make you a little horny? said one message. This was shortly after iconic Austin Powers/Ivana Humpalot scene in The Spy Who Shagged Me:
CAREER DAMAGE PARTIAL/TOTAL: Partial. Foley resigned following new releases of explicit messages, then checked into rehab for alcohol abuse and “other behavioral problems.” His lawyer revealed he was gay, and insisted Foley had been molested by a Catholic priest as a boy. Former Congressman then worked in real estate in Palm Beach, and opened a consignment shop selling high end furniture and collectibles. Retrospectives often portray Foley quasi-sympathetically, as a last remnant from the age in which gay politicians often attempted to stay in the public eye and in the closet simultaneously.
Thanks for reading. Our leaders are such a joyful bunch! Let’s discuss in the comments, or send me your thoughts at caden.olson@racket.news
Nothing gives me greater pleasure than seeing the downfall of a Russiagate promoter in Swalwell.
Ballsy post. This is why Congress has a taxpayer-funded hush-up fund. We are nothing but tax cattle for them: https://yuribezmenov.substack.com/p/dear-american-tax-cattle