Few American seem to understand the Russian language and culture. on the other hand it seems to me that quite a few Russians understand American culture more than a good number of Americans.
Way better than the winners. The half-internal rhyme match is critical; if the others sent that, Matt didn't reproduce it for us. Yours made reading this column worth it.
No sooner had I hit the "cancel subscription" button on Matt's substack he came up with this total winner of a contest. Alas, I immediately went back and chose "continue subscription." He keeps pulling me back in.
Why would you have wanted to cancel in the first place? This is the best deal on the internet, brought to you by the hardest working man in the biz. And with 100% honesty
Somewhat related...I followed a girl to San Diego, she had two jobs, one was at a French bakery in La Jolla, the other, writing a column for the San Diego Padres official newspaper, the years after Charley Finley sold all the best A's players and Rollie Fingers, Sal Bando and Gene Tenace all landed with the Padres.
Rollie Fingers moved my Fiat in his driveway to get out of his garage (said gf's column was interviewing Padre's wives). An obscure anecdote of course, though just a reminder how incredibly huge Rollie Fingers was back in the day -- I couldn't possibly have been more excited that he had driven my car! : )
"An underlying theme of the period is that the public is not a diverse population that needs convincing, but more ideally a monolith that accepts expert instruction without question, and may be threatened if it doesn’t."
Next up, change the lyrics to Maxwell’s Silver Hammer to reflect the consequences of deviating from the narrative.
I have this weird thing (many do, I suppose) that I get up in the morning with a song running through my head, and I don't even consciously realize it until late morning or early afternoon. Today it is Mean Mr. Mustard. And as much as I like these poems, I hold Matt responsible for this, today.
I worked on this, but couldn't come up with a second verse, so gave up, but I might as well share:
Mean Mr. Moustache shills for the Swamp
Tries hard to stomp out the MAGA minions
Pulitzers aligned in a row
Metaphors tied neatly in bows
Keeps a stash right under his nose
What a mean old man
Hilarious. So much comedic talent in the Racket world. The winners did a great job, fun to see all the other entries. Here was mine:
Mean Mister Mustache he's in the dark
Raves full of snark lying for a newspaper
Sleeps in his huge Bethesda home
If you lose your job just learn to code
Peasants make him turn up his nose
Such a mean old man
Suck on this, old man
His sister Kam works writing slop
She never stops, she's a Substacker
Takes him out to brat summer yas kween
Donald Trump's tweets are so mean
Always shouts out something obscene
Such a dirty old man
Dirty old man
Yas Kween. 😆
Few American seem to understand the Russian language and culture. on the other hand it seems to me that quite a few Russians understand American culture more than a good number of Americans.
Way better than the winners. The half-internal rhyme match is critical; if the others sent that, Matt didn't reproduce it for us. Yours made reading this column worth it.
Love it!
What fun! More, please.
The best way to defeat pompous fools is mockery, and there is an untapped reservoir of scorn among your readership.
Here's some mockery:
https://open.substack.com/pub/skennethn/p/pip-rating-game?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=kdm7d
What a hoot!
Do it again, Matt. Have another contest like this.
I don’t really care about the prize. The creative humor is the reward.
Mine was:
Mean Mr Mustache
Talks in a cab
Turns drivers gab
Into next column
Thinks his Micky D’s will stop war
World works like a grocery store
Thank you China can we buy more
Such a crowded mind
His New York Times
Busts out his rhymes
Prints all his crimes
Against good writing
Mixes metaphor on his cue
Splits that baby right into two
Hits it like a hammer and screw
Such a hot mess mind
Dirty mustache mind
Beautiful and accurate too.
Mockery is power!
If the last 8 years have taught us anything, it’s that you’ve GOT to have a sense of humor.
No sooner had I hit the "cancel subscription" button on Matt's substack he came up with this total winner of a contest. Alas, I immediately went back and chose "continue subscription." He keeps pulling me back in.
Why would you have wanted to cancel in the first place? This is the best deal on the internet, brought to you by the hardest working man in the biz. And with 100% honesty
I was attempting a "news diet." Sadly, like most diets, it was a failure.
That's legit. It's easy to overindulge with so much news filling our plates.
just when you thought you were out
Just like Michael Corleone, huh?
I have rhyme and humor envy. Fantastic work by the winners and runners-up.
I guess Matt’s not following up on the suggestion for the next one to be Rachel Maddow as Polythene Pam. Hard to rhyme I guess.
And an insult to Polythene Pam.
Yeah true if Rachel makes the News the World its time to find a new world
sad to see someone so smart and talented be so misguided.
"She's so good looking that she looks like a man", I mean...
Writes itself!
You should see her in drag with her fingers a wag...
Ways easier than Mean Mr. Mustache
"Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt"
You don't even need to parody it...
Rachel's not the kind of a girl that makes the News of the World. Well, nobody is any more.
Somewhat related...I followed a girl to San Diego, she had two jobs, one was at a French bakery in La Jolla, the other, writing a column for the San Diego Padres official newspaper, the years after Charley Finley sold all the best A's players and Rollie Fingers, Sal Bando and Gene Tenace all landed with the Padres.
Rollie Fingers moved my Fiat in his driveway to get out of his garage (said gf's column was interviewing Padre's wives). An obscure anecdote of course, though just a reminder how incredibly huge Rollie Fingers was back in the day -- I couldn't possibly have been more excited that he had driven my car! : )
From the original contest piece:
"An underlying theme of the period is that the public is not a diverse population that needs convincing, but more ideally a monolith that accepts expert instruction without question, and may be threatened if it doesn’t."
Next up, change the lyrics to Maxwell’s Silver Hammer to reflect the consequences of deviating from the narrative.
"Bang! Bang! Moustache's silver hammer
Came down upon his head"
This was fun!
Thanks for running it, and congrats to the winners!
I have this weird thing (many do, I suppose) that I get up in the morning with a song running through my head, and I don't even consciously realize it until late morning or early afternoon. Today it is Mean Mr. Mustard. And as much as I like these poems, I hold Matt responsible for this, today.
I took the two winners and plugged it into suno https://suno.com/s/qJ1UWISA7PHu4q4z
Bravo
Alinskys rule number five
Wish I'd tried. I wanted to work "hot flat and crowded" into some lyrics.