Five Craziest Things About the Epstein Case, Vol. 1

On Jeffrey Epstein and the word, "pedophile."

Today is the (presumed) statutory deadline for release of the so-called “Epstein Files” — although the common expectation that this means the full scope of relevant “files” will actually be released is extremely misguided, given the demands of purported victims and their lawyers to redact, withhold, or otherwise conceal what could turn out to be an enormous cross-section of records in the government’s possession. We’ll have to see what transpires. In any event, Matt Taibbi and I thought now would be a good time for a collaborative series examining some of most mind-bending, yet chronically ignored, aspects of this sprawling Epstein mega-drama — many of which drastically complicate popular assumptions around what the story actually entails. A miasma of jaw-dropping misconceptions have been allowed to proliferate almost entirely without challenge, and it’s had a cascade of awful consequences that get nowhere near enough attention: moral panic, mass hysteria, stunning media failures, infringement of civil liberties, widespread misdiagnosis of genuine political problems -- among others. So somebody’s got to provide an overdue corrective, even if it guarantees we’ll both be slimed for doing the basic journalistic inquiry that should’ve been done all along. I already have plenty of experience with the nasty blowback this undertaking will inevitably engender, and I commend Racket for having the gumption to follow suit. It’s very much needed. What follows is part one of my list of the five craziest parts of the Epstein story:

If there’s a single word the average news consumer calls to mind when they hear about some new micro-development in the interminable Jeffrey Epstein saga, it would have to be “pedophile” — that most fiercely radioactive of words, upon hearing which, approximately 99% of the population instantly de-activates whatever might be left of their critical faculties.

Media outlets from the Daily Beast, to TMZ, to the New York Post and Business Insider continue to eagerly plaster coinages like “pedophile island” in their unrelenting torrent of Epstein-related headlines; the term can also be routinely found in CNN segments, WIRED features, and God knows how many viral social media posts. Just this week, The Nation published an article matter-of-factly asserting that Epstein was the mastermind of a “global pedophile ring,” as author Greg Grandin tries to grapple with recent revelations that his legendary mensch Noam Chomsky once had a series of (supposedly) disturbing dalliances with Epstein. Nowhere is the slightest indication given that Grandin has ever actually examined the underlying evidentiary basis for this extraordinary assertion: that Chomsky, of all people, completely lost his mind and decided to consort with the villainous architect of a “global pedophile ring.” More likely, Grandin has simply absorbed the ambient assumptions swirling around the Epstein affair, and repeated them back in print. Which would be par for the course, as the topic seems uniquely exempt from any standard fact-checking requirements.

Since the renewed Epstein rancor really exploded last summer, fueled by a bombardment of accusations that some massive undelineated coverup was being orchestrated by the Trump Administration, Democrats in Congress have taken to charging that their Republican colleagues are afflicted with “Pedophile Protection Syndrome; that they’re running a “Pedophile Protection Program”; and even that the Grand Ol’ Party should formally change its name to the “Pedophile Protection Party.” As though systematically shielding pedophiles from punishment is now understood to be the core organizing principle of the GOP. These gleeful partisan excoriations were of course partly enabled by a sequence of “own goals” from top Republican officials: case in point, the infamous video of Kash Patel, as a private citizen on the podcast circuit, raging at then-FBI Director Christopher Wray to “put on your big boy pants and tell us who the pedophiles are!” Then, having not “told us who the pedophiles are” after Patel himself became FBI Director, it wasn’t exactly surprising that his political adversaries would eventually take notice of the outlandish contrast. And so back and forth the “pedophile” accusations are flung, like a cursed partisan ping pong ball, with the out-of-power party always seeming to newly discover the joy of encouraging everyone else to believe that the in-power party is letting their fugitive pedo pals off the hook.

In this sense, Epstein is only the current iteration of the morbid bipartisan fascination with Perpetual Pedo Panic — the gift that keeps on giving. Which is not to deny that the strange particularities of the Epstein story also supply a bottomless goldmine of material. Central to the story’s enduring appeal is an unwavering belief, repeated ad nauseum by politicians and journalists, that Epstein was a “convicted pedophile” — and thus the legal predicate has already been established for whatever sordid extrapolations people may care to make. From this presumed starting point, the ever-wilder and salacious theories freely spring. Hence why it’s now taken for granted that anyone who was ever in proximity to Epstein — no matter how peripherally — is forever tarnished by that wicked association. Even the Trump White House, in its cantankerous defensive crouch, has occasionally tried to parry Democratic attacks by retorting that it’s actually their party bigwigs who are most damningly implicated by past relations with this world-renowned “convicted pedophile.” Because if Epstein was a “convicted pedophile,” that’s the worst thing anyone can ever be — right? And an indiscriminate wrecking ball should therefore be taken to any institution or individual who can be found to have tolerated his rancid behavior, however passively or unwittingly. Right?

So then… was Jeffrey Epstein a “convicted pedophile”? Do the facts even matter anymore? Because what’s so weird about this whole thing is that the relevant facts are readily available — despite the near-universal lack of interest in actually examining them. Here’s what the facts show: the only time Jeffrey Epstein was ever convicted of a crime, on June 30, 2008, in the circuit court of Palm Beach County, Florida, he pleaded guilty to two state-level offenses. Conveniently, the full transcript of that plea hearing is accessible to all who wish to read it (and whose attention span is superior to that of a fruit fly.) Here’s the transcript, in all its glory — feel free to knock yourself out.